we made out on top of his cat.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
