Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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