I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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