Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
