So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
