Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
