I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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