it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All the doctor said was why
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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