I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
