I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize