Dual....:-)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize