I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
