I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
