sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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