Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
