you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize