omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
