i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
