just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
