I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
