I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
