i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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