I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
