she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
