It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
