Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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