This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
