I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
