i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
