Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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