never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
