no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
