so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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