We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
