pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
