well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
