Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
