can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
