I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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