I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
