Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
