you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
