You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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