I wanna bring you to show and tell
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
