Porn is love you can see.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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