Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
