So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
