I'm gonna have a badass scar
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
