he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
