a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sarcasm needs its own font
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
