The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
