Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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