I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
