the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize