Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
