we have officially lost it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
