dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
