Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
