I skipped work to stalk him.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
