I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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