Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
