Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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