I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
