Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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