she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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