I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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