Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
