Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
