First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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