Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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