I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
