I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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