You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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