So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
